


i was a child then

by flutter_bi



Category: Pitch (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 18:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9671054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flutter_bi/pseuds/flutter_bi
Summary: She could never quite pinpoint what it was - the warmth of his body, the charismatic gravitational pull that seemed to come so naturally to him, or maybe just the feel of his breath on her neck - but she could always feel him stalking up behind her before he said a word. He was her very own shadow, untethered from her body, but ready to make himself known at a moment’s notice when needed.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [inmyfashion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inmyfashion/gifts).



> This turned out somewhat more angsty than I'd planned, but it rallies a _little_ bit of happiness there at the end, so there's that. 
> 
> This is my first published Pitch fanfic - I've got a couple of others running around in my head or mostly written, but this is the first going out for everyone to read so hopefully it's worthy of being a Valentine's gift.

She could never quite pinpoint what it was - the warmth of his body, the charismatic gravitational pull that seemed to come so naturally to him, or maybe just the feel of his breath on her neck - but she could always feel him stalking up behind her before he said a word. He was her very own shadow, untethered from her body, but ready to make himself known at a moment’s notice when needed.

And as much as she hated to admit it, his damn-near personable request to “Please protect me, Baker” was in fact needed.

Mike slid up next to her at the bar, his shoulder bumping lightly against hers — careful, even now, not to jostle her too much.

She didn’t look up at him, barely acknowledged his existence. Turnabout was fair play and she was not ready to pretend they were best friends again after he half-ignored her for the past two months, only showing up for physical therapy and meetings where her team captain/battery mate’s opinion was needed. “Protect you, huh?”

“Yeah. We’re teammates.” He said it as if it was all the explanation needed as he craned his neck around so she could get a better look at his face, and there was just enough desperation in his eyes to make her turn towards him a little...give just a little.

“What if I’m not a good teammate?”

“Nah,” he settled into his seat and pulled absently at the Padres-blue tie around his neck.“That’s not your style, Rookie.”

“More your _thing_ , right?” She was surprised to see the self-deprecating smile light up his face, as if he didn’t care about the accusation at all.

“Exactly.”

When she finally turned around to take him in, she noticed he’d trimmed his beard and his hair since the last time she saw him. He still looked like a mountain man to her, but wouldn’t quite make the cut as a member of the Duck Dynasty cast anymore. And she’d never admit it outloud, but it worked for him. The grey suit, the tie, the light blue shirt with the top button undone, and his stupid beard...it all worked too fucking well.

“What am I protecting you from, Lawson?” She bit down on her lips to keep from smiling, and to keep from telling him that she’d really like to reach over and take that tie the rest of the way off for him...and keep going until they were both naked and finally sated.

“Who are you protecting me from - that’s the question.” He started to reach around her but rethought the move, instead inclining his head to left a little. “You see the blonde?”

There were about ten blondes in her line of sight and she started to tell him as much when one of them turned, narrowed her eyes, and stared Ginny down for a few seconds before plastering a bright smile on her red lips and turning back to the conversation she’d been having. “White dress, killer legs, looks like she’s torn between coming over here to kill me or trying to be our general manager’s next ex-wife?”

“That’s the one. You recognize her?”

Ginny took another look and realized, yeah, she did. “She’s the lawyer dealing with all licensing junk for the commercials. Lana or Jana...Tara. I think.”

She remembered the woman from one of the hundreds of meetings she had with Nike, the MLB, the Padres organization, and a million other people in the last month. Once they figured out that she was going to be able to rehab and probably be ready in time for the start of the next season - and after numerous meetings with Amelia to hash out how their business and personal relationships would progress - everyone started brainstorming about her “comeback.”

Ginny wasn’t privy to the whole story (she didn’t really care to be), but apparently Eliot and his new girlfriend came up with the idea to have the next stage of her Nike campaign focus on female athletes who came back stronger after injuries. Someone else suggested a tie-in with _Sledgehammer_ and that led to her current situation - a DVD release party for Star Trek Beyond mixed with the debut of her newest Nike commercial.

It was supposed to be a great night, and it was. Really. Everything a rookie athlete could ask for, but mostly she was just sick of all of it. The press, the pictures, the clothes — everything. She wanted a dark room, a pair of leggings, and a hoodie to snuggle into. Maybe a tub of cookie’s n cream ice cream too.

“Rookie!” Mike snapped his fingers in front of her face and shoved a glass of something dark brown and strong into her hand before she could dive down too far into her own head — a place they both knew was unhealthy for her to be for too long. “We’re focusing on me, here.”

He’d watched her for a good hour as she shook hands and smiled her polite “celebrity” smile with half the people in the room. More than once he had to hold himself back as over-indulged, self-important jerks checked out her ass or held on a little too long after they went in for a hug.

After she made her way through the room and settled at the bar he figured the rest of the team would amble over, maybe tease her a little about all the fanfare and the short-sleeve black dress she was wearing that was slit halfway up the front of both of her thighs (not that he was looking or anything), but Blip and Evelyn were out of town for their anniversary and everyone else was too busy being captivated by all the star power in the room to notice her brooding.

She hadn’t even ordered a damn drink, just sat there staring off into the distance and absently running her fingers through her riot of curly hair. And god, what he wouldn’t give to be the one teasing out those curls and twisting them around his own fingers.

For a while - a long while - he considered not going over. He told himself she was a big girl, she could deal with it on her own, and if she wanted his help she always knew where to find him. She hadn’t called him in months and barely acknowledged his existence...he should have taken that as a sign to stay away.

He might have taken it as a sign to stay away if even one other person had been by her side, but of all the things in his life that Mike Lawson could ignore and pretend didn’t grate on his nerves, Ginny Baker sitting alone when she was supposed to be celebrating wasn’t one of them.

So here he was…

“Mike!” That ridiculous laugh burst out of her and she smiled, her dimples making a rare appearance, when he jumped back a little. “I thought we were focusing on you here.”

“We are.”

“Then are you going to tell me why you’re hiding from Lana-Jana-Tara?”

The corners of his mouth curved up into something between a grimace and a grin at the triplicate naming. God, she was a ridiculous...and adorable.. “Slept with her.”

“Yeah I figured that, but you’ve slept with half of San Diego and probably two-thirds of the women in this room - why are you hiding from this one?”

“Didn’t end well.”

“Again, not surprising. Did she boil your bunny or something, because I don’t see you hiding from any of the other ‘ _didn’t end wells_ ’ around here.”

Mike ignored the question and leaned into her a little. His eyebrows shrugged up and down when he asked, “You been catching up on pop culture movie references, Baker?”

She nodded enthusiastically prompting another appearance of the dimples, and he wanted to rejoice. Twice in one night had to be some sort of record for him, especially considering the distance that had recently come to define their relationship.

“Ev made me a list. I just got to the 90’s. She wanted me to start with Pretty Woman, but Blip said Goodfellas. I went with Edward Scissorhands.”

“How’d that go?” And, oddly, he found he was genuinely interested in the answer — in what it might say about her.

Her face scrunched up and when the thoughtful line appeared in the middle of her forehead he had to shake his hand out to the side to keep from rubbing his finger over it to smooth it out. He knew, had known for a while now, that if he put a hand on her outside of Petco then they’d both end up back where they were outside of Boardner’s that night. And she’d made it very clear that was not allowed to happen.

“Wynona Ryder was good; Johnny Depp is creepy even when he’s not. I like Home Alone better than all of them.”

“Home Alone over Goodfellas?” Why was he not surprised? “You’re a child.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.” She shoved at his shoulder. Laughed again. “Take it back.”

“Nope. Never. At least…” He looked at her thoughtfully and scratched at his beard, “not until you admit you like the beard.”

“No one likes the beard, Old Man.”

“It’s legendary. Women love it.”

“Then go find one of them to hide you from your past conquests. As a matter of fact, don’t you have a current conquest to...” She trailed off and stopped looking at him, started searching the room, eyes darting from one corner to another clearly searching for something and getting agitated when she didn’t find it.

“If you’re trying to find someone to back you up then you’re going to be at it for a while. I can verify that at least - what was it you said? - two-thirds of the women in this room do in fact love the beard.”

Her eyes narrowed as she focused in on him and he could tell something shifted. He tried to backtrack, figure out where he went wrong, but with him and Baker lately it could have been anything from the tone in his voice to the set of his shoulders, which they had actually argued about the week before because she told him he had a defensive hunch. “What did I do?”

The resignation in his voice, the acknowledgement of guilt before she even answered the question, made her heart clench just a little. What kind of life, what kind of lack of self-esteem was it that caused someone to accept their guilt before they even heard the charges? And how often had she chewed him out lately that he was even doing it with her?

“Nothing. Just. Why isn’t your ex-wife protecting you? I thought you two were back together.”

“Nope. Not together.” He gave what she was pretty sure was supposed to be a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. “Not since mid-October.”

It was clear he didn’t want to talk about it and truth be told she didn’t really want to ask about it, except that was what friends were supposed to do, right? Ask about things, or at least… “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

She was pretty sure that was meant to make her feel better - like saying “oh, it happened years ago” when people asked about her dead father - but it made her feel worse. Mostly because she was about 85% sure it was her fault, at least partially.

“Speaking of significant others, where is Tech Support?”

Her eyes rolled, but she didn’t bother addressing his nickname for Noah — they’d gone ‘round and ‘round on that one too many times. It wasn’t worth hashing it out again, especially since the too-bright smile and chipper tone in his voice made it very clear that he was trying his level-best to change the subject from him and Rachel to her and Noah. “Late, actually. Some kind of coding emergency.”

“I.T.’s job is never done.”

He was baiting her now, looking for a reason to start a fight so she wouldn’t feel bad for him. If he hadn’t just told her that he lost the woman he loved for the second time then it might have worked...as it was she had to bite her cheek to keep from lashing out. “There has to be someone there to tell everyone to turn things off and turn them back on again.”

“Good one.” His smile was real this time, she could tell as it stretch across his face and lit up his hazel eyes. “How’s that sort of job pay? Ginny Baker can’t be dating some guy who lives in his mother’s basement, right?”

“Pretty good.”

“And the hours?”

“You looking to change careers, Old Man?”

“Nah. Sit around in front of computers too long and you tend to either get scrawny or flabby...and I run to fat. Not a good look with the beard.”

“Nothing is a good look with the beard. I get your point though.” She squirmed at the idea of sitting at a desk or in an office all day.

“Do you now?” And there it was again, that look in his eyes that told her he was about to say something meant to piss her off. “So Tech Support - which way does he lean? Looks like scrawny to me.”

“Noah,” she emphasized his name this time, “is built just fine, thank you very much.”

“Computer guy fine though, right? Not baseball player fine.”

“Have you seen the average catcher in the League lately, Lawson? Most of you aren’t flexin’ your six packs anymore.”

“Ouch.” He leaned forward, a conspiratorial look in his eyes. His breath ghosted over her cheek and sent one deep shiver down her spine. She had to sit up, back rigid against the chair and shoulders tightened, to keep from melting into him. “You can be honest with me though, we’re teammates. You like a little more bulk, right? A little something to hold on to when you need it, to dig your nails into, sink your teeth into.”

“I…” Yeah. Yeah, she did.

“You what?” For a moment she was convinced that the voice was coming from above her or maybe all around her, but when she looked into Mike’s eyes she knew immediately that wasn’t the case. It was from behind her, where his gaze was now focused.

She searched for surprise or shock in his eyes, something to tell her that he was jolted out of the moment too — that he hadn’t seen Noah before he started walking them down this road. Something to tell her that he’d been joking and not purposely looking to implode her relationship, but it wasn’t there. He’d known exactly what he was doing and she could see the moment he realized that she knew it too.

At least he had the good sense, the good conscience, to look ashamed before he stood and stretched his hand out to the man behind her, “Noah. Good to see you again.”

“You too, Mike.” It was pretty clear that they weren’t particularly happy to see each other though, and she couldn’t really blame either of them. The last few months she’d mostly succeeded at keeping them apart, though if anyone had asked her before that moment if that had been on purpose she probably would have said no. Probably would have believed it too.

But she knew now, without a shadow of a doubt, that she’d been keeping them apart on purpose. Hell, she even knew why. Because Mike Lawson was a child and a fucking walking natural disaster — there was nothing left standing in his wake when he exploded.

He was perfectly fine setting what he thought of as his toys aside and not playing with them, but the second someone else picked one up...well, it was playtime over. Time to light the place on fire.

“Gin,” Noah’s hand came to rest on her shoulder, a subtle show of ownership (not affection) and she wanted to tell them both to fuck off, but the fact of that matter was that only one person in their little threesome had come in with an open heart and mind, and it sure as shit wasn’t her or Mike.

So she leaned back into her boyfriend’s touch, looked up into his eyes, and tried to remember why she’d made the decision to stay with him in the first place. “Yes.”

“Can we talk? Outside.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Even as his heart sunk in his chest when she didn’t so much as glance back at him on her way out of the room, Mike knew he had no right to be upset.

He’d fucked up...fucked up huge and for no reason other than he knew he could. There was nothing for him to gain from it. She wasn’t magically going to change her mind and decide they could make a go of it and even if she had, it still wouldn’t work — there would always been too many obstacles. So why, he wondered, did he bother doing it? Just to see her alone too?

_Jesus, fuck_. Was that the sort of man he’d become? No wonder Rachel hadn’t been able to stomach him a second time around.

It took him all of five minutes to decide that he could fix the situation and five more to find them outside on one of the open decks arguing. Still, he stood in the shadows and waited for Noah to storm off before turning the corner and stepping outside.

Ginny obviously thought he was Noah coming back out to talk to her because she was halfway into an apology before she turned and stopped cold, “What do you want Mike?”

“I just...fuck, Ginny, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“What?” She stepped into his space, her finger digging into his chest and her brown eyes on fire. “You shouldn’t have what, exactly?”

“I…” He really should have an answer to that question. At least one...and that was the real problem. The truth of the matter was that there were hundreds of them. He shouldn’t have fallen for her. He shouldn’t have pulled her closer. He shouldn’t have pushed her away. He shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have. Any one thing done differently on his part and they might not be where they were.

“Jesus,” she swiped at her eyes and hell if that didn’t make him feel even worse. Ginny Baker, who hadn’t even cried when she thought her career had ended live and in color in front of 30,000 fans, was standing outside at her own party wiping at her tear-stained face. “Do you even know what you did wrong? Do you care?”

“I...yes.”

“Yes to which?”

“Both.”

“Well,” her shoulders slumped and he thought she might hear him out, but she must have heard him let out a relieved breath because her eyes lit back up almost immediately. “Tell me then. What did you do wrong?”

“I saw him come in the room,” he explained. He needed her to know why he did it. They both knew what he’d done, but that wasn’t the whole story. “You have to believe me, I was just joking at first. Just being an asshole. I didn’t mean...I didn’t mean for it to go that far.”

“I have to believe you? Why? Because you’ve been so very honest with me, because you’ve been so upfront about everything so far? Why do I have to believe you?”

“I have been. Since...since Amelia, I have been and you know it.” And now he was pissed too. Sure, he’d fucked up and he was willing to admit that, but he wasn’t a damn liar. He had never been a liar, at least not in the way she was suggesting. Being confused, being unsure, those weren’t the same things as lying.

“Yeah? Why’d you stop calling?”

“I...what?” If he’d had a hundred years to guess, he never would have seen that question coming. “When?”

“When?” She shoved at his chest, barely moving him, and walked away — stalked away. “After Boardner’s. After the accident. After everything...you just stopped calling.”

“You did too!”

“I didn’t start the phone calls, Mike! I followed you around like an idiot duckling, but I’m not the one who started the calls. That was you.”

She was right, of course she was right, but… “What’s your point?”

“Why did they stop?” She punctuated each word with a step back towards him.

“You know why.”

“Because of Rachel,” she supplied.

“Ye—”

“No, that wasn’t a question this time. And you’re going to let me finish now since you didn’t want to answer the original question yourself. The phone calls stopped because of Rachel, but you never told me that. Never pulled me aside to tell me you were back together with her. You let Ev sit me down like an idiot child who couldn’t see what was staring her in the face and tell me that you were back together with your ex-wife.”

“You were with Noah!”

“I never hid that! I apologized for you finding out the way you did. I didn’t just drop out of your life and leave you alone because the person I really loved came strolling back in. I wouldn’t do that to someone.”

“I didn’t leave you alone, and I didn’t hide it.” And even as he said it, he knew he’d finally made a liar out of himself. He sure as shit hid it and he told himself it was because he didn’t know what was going to happen, but the fact of that matter was that no one would have cared - no one except Ginny.

That, and he knew exactly what was going to happen. He had known it from the moment he walked to Rachel’s door that night instead of Ginny’s. And he definitely knew it after he saw Noah Casey leaving the next morning.

“You stopped calling!” She was yelling now and he knew any moment they’d draw a crowd. She must of known too, because she moved a little closer and continued on in a harsh whisper, “You had what you needed so you stopped calling and it didn’t matter that I felt all alone or that I needed someone to talk to who could understand that baseball might be done with me before I was done with it. What I wanted didn’t matter at all.”

“Because you make the calls, right? You decide if we talk about whatever this is,” he gestured between them as he stalked forward and for the first time in his life he was aggressively and purposely standing over a woman trying to force her into backing down. “What’s the problem here, Ginny, that the calls stopped or that I was the one who stopped them?”

She sputtered and shoved at him again, this time hard enough to push him back a step. “You’re right. That was the problem. So I’m deciding now — we’re done. We can be teammates, we can be battery mates, but we don’t need to be more than that. I’ve had plenty of catchers that I didn’t associate with off the field; you’ll be just another one on the list. I’ll listen to you as my captain, but we don’t need to share our lives outside of the 60 feet and 6 inches we share at work.”

“You make the rules, Rookie.” That was not what he meant to say, not at all, but Jesus a crowd of players was gathering and she was crying and he’d been so pissed he could barely see straight...and none of it was good for the team. None of it was good for her. She’d probably pulled something in her arm shoving at him like she had.

So yeah, he’d let her go and accept the distance he created between them as his punishment.

She sighed, clearly defeated, and looked over his shoulder to nod at someone. He couldn’t bare to turn around and take the risk that he’d be face-to-face with Noah yet again.

“Yeah, I make the rules,” she moved around him, careful to keep her distance, and as he turned to watch her go he realized it was Amelia she’d been looking at. Amelia who was staring at him like she wanted to castrate him, and if that wasn’t bad enough there was Livan and Butch next to her, clearly disappointed.

He didn’t know how much they’d heard, but it didn’t really matter because they’d obviously been there long enough to seem him force his way into Ginny’s physical space and fight with her at her own party.

Livan was the first to walk away, obviously following Ginny back into the party, and Butch shot him a questioning look with a quick raise of his eyebrows before trailing behind and pulling a few other players with him.

Mike stood there, watched his team shake their heads in disgust, and waited for Amelia to tear into him. He must have looked worse than he thought though, because she just strolled over and stood next to him staring off into the night.

“Whatever you’ve got to say...just say it.”

“Say what, Mike? I’m not her mother and I’m sure as hell not yours, so what would you like me to say?”

“I don’t know...yell at me. Tell me I’m a fuck up. Tell me I was never really committed to my relationship with her either. The usual.”

She huffed out a sarcastic laugh and turned so her blue eyes bore into him. “We both know that last part isn’t true. If there’s one relationship you’ve been committed to, it’s the one with her.”

“She’s still gone.”

“She needs time — you both do. There’s a lot going on right now and neither of you are equipped to deal with it. Jesus,” her hands fidgeted on the stone railing in front of them, a habit he recognized as a release of frenetic and not nervous energy, “you’re two of the most emotionally stunted adults I’ve ever meet, which wouldn’t be quite so bad if you didn’t also have marshmallow centers and stubborn streaks a mile wide. It’s a horrible combination.”

“Thanks.” Sarcasm dripped. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“I’m serious. You need each other in ways I can’t understand and that’s always going to be there, but you need to give each other time. It’s a tightrope to walk, I know, but you have to walk it for a little while. Because even if she can’t deal with _Mike Lawson, Friend_ right now she’s still needs _Mike Lawson, Captain_ on her side.”

“I wouldn’t—I’m not going anywhere on that front.”

“Okay. Good.” She leaned into him a little, let her shoulder rest against his for a moment before pulling away and shaking her head. “You two will be the death of me, eventually.”

“Is this your way of saying we’ve got your blessing when...if…”

“No. Hell no.” Her face split into a terrifying smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “As her agent, if there is an if or a when I will not be blessing anything. I don’t need that drama in my life and she doesn’t need it in her career.”

“But? Please, tell me there’s a but.”

“But…” She let the word linger in the air and he swore he could hear a little bit of the Jersey girl in the way she let it lilt then fall off. “Again, I’m not her mother. Her personal life is her personal life and it’s my job to clean up the messes, not stop them from happening.”

He raised an eyebrow as he considered what she said, the Amelia he remembered was not well versed in knowing what was and wasn’t her business. “That’s new.”

“Yeah, well, we’re all learning and growing around here. For now though, as someone who is not your agent, but does have a vested interested in seeing this night not go to shit...I suggest you quietly make an exit before news of this little confrontation makes it outside of your team.”

He nodded, “Good call.” He started to walk away and thought better of it, turned back to her. “Can you keep an eye on her and just let me know if…”

Amelia put her hand up and stepped back so fast he half expected her to take off running. “Stop there. Not happening. This is me learning from my past mistakes...if you want Ginny updates then try talking to your teammates, Mike. Duarte spends more time with her than I do, and Cara.”

“Cara’s good for her…” He wasn’t sure if it was a question or a comment, but he remembered hearing about the girl from the Nike party before everything went to shit with him and Ginny. He was worried at first, she seemed too young, too aimless, too unpredictable. Then he remembered she was barely halfway through her twenties and that was how she was supposed to be — how Ginny was supposed to be.

“She’s, yeah, she’s good. Ginny’s more settled here than I’ve ever seen her and she doesn’t need you to hold her hand in her personal life, she needs you in her professional life. If you can’t do that then just walk away for now. I’m not telling you to make yourself suffer; if you can’t do it then don’t do it, but stop being pissed at her because you don’t know how to create boundaries and she’s understandably confused about what she wants. She’s a twenty-four year old rookie who didn’t expect find, whatever you are to her,” Amelia’s hand twisted in a vague gesture around her heart, “this early in her life.”

He thought about it for a moment, considered whether or not he could watch from the sidelines only offering input on her professional life when she asked for it. Then he considered the alternative and knew he’d wait if that was what she needed; hell, it was probably what he needed too.

A little bit of time not being married or whoring around wasn’t going to kill him. He had one, maybe two, more good seasons left in him and he also had teammates that he hadn’t been spending nearly enough time with.

So he could do this. He probably needed to do it.

And when the time came he’d bust his ass to be the man she needed him to be — personally, professionally, or however she wanted him. 


End file.
